Turning Point? Or Merely Yet Another Beginning?

So yeah, that special friend from last night calls me to say he's bailing out on the movie invite due to thinking about it while not having an alcohol induced lapse of reason. I shoulda said take the early movie! He would have had less time to think about it. GAH! Anyhoo, feeling a bit on the disappointed side. Again with the frustration and confusion! OY! I'm attempting to look at the bright side, if there is indeed one to be found. So crisis averted, no awkward "Gee-Whiz, last night got a little on the border line of reason." Well sorta, I was just getting out of the shower when he called and I could hear the gears grinding in his head when I told him this, possibly smell the smoke from the other side of town? Asking me something along the lines of, "Would you be upset if I canceled tonight?" Of course I'm gonna feel upset! And of course I understand the reasoning behind said bailing out on me. It doesn't mean I have to like it, but such is life. So back to the averted crisis. No hanky panky to worry about or anticipate, at least tonight. I have to wonder if he realizes what he does to me every time I see him! Canceling would seem to be the least of my problems, that Norah Jones CD is gonna get a work out for a few days. It's amazing how with just being in the room with him and I can feel the pull of some neurotic attraction going on. Am I crazy? Sometimes I feel like I am where he is concerned. Again, I'll attempt to give him some space, but I'm debating right now: To Call or Not To Call, that is the question. Most likely I will not call, feeling chickeny about it and well, again, he's one struggling man. ARRRG! I feel like a bundle of nerves and very aware of my anxious energy that has nearly launched me out the front door to drive across town. GAH! I don't want to do this again, go through those long periods of time where we don't talk because something else happened between us. Yet I want to be selfish and keep him for myself. What kind of person does that make me? The person who broke up a good relationship? A relationship I don't know much about other than what others have said. He's happy. Right? That's reason why he bailed right? He doesn't want to be around me because I make him feel just as crazy. No simple solution to it really. Wuaaaaaaaaaah! Off to go watch chic flicks and possibly just go to bed and get some sleep with intermittent waking up and wishing for something other than a teddy bear and two teenage cats to cuddling with.

Tammolly

...So if I die today I'll be the happy phantom
And I'll go wearin' my naughties like a jewel...
I'm still an angel to a girl who hates to sin